I think I know

Is there anything more addicting than love? I know immediately you think yes, drugs, money, but what is more fulfilling? Nothing else I know. I spend a lot of time building this wall that makes me impervious to love or to the daggers that it throws but still, there is a large part of me that wishes I would take that risk. I've taken it, and the reward is short term, so it seems, I delve into music and books empathetically living through characters and pages hoping that the ideal love, or whatever it is I want, will jump out and grab me...nirvana. This peace of mind is not what I find, the arduous journey, the failed attempts, the false feeling of success and discovery. When you fall, you fall hard and you fall fast.

Maybe I'm just picky, maybe I run and I hide from it. I know you may be thinking that I'll change my mind in a year when I find somebody again, but I doubt that. In my head I'll be thinking, how much more time do I have, when is it going to fail, how long till she realizes that I'm really not all that great. Well this is what I'm going to do on here I think, rant about things that pass through my head, splicing thoughts and situations and speaking what all you skeptics might call my truth and my reality. Enjoy and leave your thoughts, but please nothing like one word that says, love is awesome, you just haven't found that one...I want a little more of an explanation than that. Hangovers make me lazy.